Catch Your Breath

Mia, my littlest one.  She looks the most like me, I think. It could be the brown hair, or the way her face is shaped. Her temperament also seems like mine as well.

Mia was breech in utero, and the reason we needed a c-section. It has always been like me to spin things around a bit. 

Mia is sensitive; she has the gift of touch. She seems to read energy in a room. She is deeply impacted by others.

And she is anxious. 

I’ve taken note lately of how Mia’s anxiety manifests physically. She crumples her hands back and forth at her belly. Her legs stick straight out and her feet rub together. Her little voice gets strained as if she can’t quite…get the words out. We usually have difficulty in drawing out what’s really bothering her.

This morning, Lucy, Mia’s older twin by 45 seconds who plans on ruling the world someday, was really pushing Mia’s buttons. You know, smiling at her in a way she didn’t like.

So I go into mothering mode…

Identifying the problem.

Validating the struggle.

Redirecting in a positive direction.

Praising for resolution.

This morning it didn’t work. Mia remained on the floor legs kicking, unable to find words.

I scooped her up. I held her in my arms and waited. She continued crying quietly. And then she said, “I can’t breathe.” As she insisted, I tried reassuring her she could, but to no avail. 

So I changed my tune. “Okay, Mia. If you can’t breathe, I’ll breathe for you.” And as she felt my chest rise and fall she settled a bit. And I cried with her, and prayed.

If you’re like me and Mia, the atmosphere around us this year has made it hard to catch a breath. But we can’t stop breathing.

Sometimes, we can’t find the words that accurately describe what we are thinking, let alone feeling. Often times, we even find ways to think what we are feeling doesn’t hold much value. Seeking truth in any situation looks like confronting fear and worry, sure, but ultimately denying them the space they would need to sufficiently wreak havoc on our lives and consciences.

We must deny fear and worry of that space. Daily. 

I can’t remember the words I prayed over Mia exactly, but my sentiments were to let go of all those worries and fears. Deny them the space and freedom to disrupt. 

It feels good to breathe. Breathe, and remember who made the air.